Sexpectations

some friends

I used to have a shit load of friends. My acquaintences are extesive-- but nowadays, i'm too busy and too jaded to keep company with more than an elevator full of good souls.
please note-- the order for which i post pics of my friends and me is random. if your first, it doesn't mean you are my #1 (this isn't myspace). or does it?
the world may never know.

This is my friend Octavio. I like O a whole lot. He makes me laugh, he's hot, he plays bass in a band i actually like, therefore respect, and he's a Libra. you'd like him, too.

I have some personal stories about Octavio. But, since i don't have his permission to share that info, you will just have to guess which alias (all the names have been changed to protect the perverse) is his in the postings to come
Here's a little hint: I've posted pictures for a reason. Another hint: the eyes are the window to the soul. I know this is true. I've been there.

family.

I come from a family of five. Three of us girls, and two boys. My parents were together until the day my sweet mommy passed away. That's the kind of family i come from. My oldest brother was 15 when i was born-- needless to say, they were pretty much out of the house before i was old enough to fully enjoy all that growing up with brothers has to offer. The closest sister to me in age is still 9 years older. Much of growing up, i was like an only child. They grew up with mom and dad and family in MInnesota, and i (luckily) with just my parents in beautiful La Jolla.
I like it that way, though. my sisters and brothers have so much wisdom and advise. i listen to all of it-- and utilize a good percentage as far as family advice goes. you know what i mean.
this is a condensed little blurb. i've decided that what i want to do is post a picture-- and then tell a story. of whatever value. of whatever nature. maybe even completely unrelated to the posted photo. who knows. i'm just gonna set it off, and see how it flies.
okay-- back to my story--
This is my sister Julie. Her eye always closes like that when you take her picture with flash photography. she can't help it.
Julie and i are a lot alike. She's my older sister... and a free spirit like myself. she's a bit insane-- and that's why i love her so much.
When i was 5 years old, my sister decided to get married to this loser Mexican guy and move to Mexico. She was 18. And, like i said, a bit insane. (by the way, i don't mean anything negative about Mexicans when i refer to Angel {that's the loser's name}. as a matter of fact, i LOVE mexico, and the people. i really do.)
i was pissed. i said a lot of mean things to him on their wedding day. things like "you belong in the kitchen washing dishes" (my dad is a restauranteur, and i grew up in the food biz), "you can sleep under the bed", "you're ugly"... shit like that.
many many many lifetimes later, my sister finally left that bastard. and, she was left with four wonderful little boys. my nephews-- and one of them my godson. (hi chris). They are pretty grown up now-- in their late teens and early twenties. Luckily, they got most of my sisters good looks, and pretty brown skin. good kids now-- HORRIBLE kids when they were little. and, i mean horrible. pains in the asses. PAINS. but, i love um to pieces.
my sister still lives in Mexico-- now english being her second language. and, on that, i'm not kidding. like i said, she's insane. The following two photos contain my sister, and my nephew Joseph George. He is the second little monster of the four. He wants to be an architect. he's a snazzy dresser (label whore), and has great taste in music. He is so good to his mother-- and probably always will be. we are all lucky to have him in our life.
he's pretty funny, too.
k-- i'm out. chat soon. be good and take care.

.j

Smoke Cloud. 2004

smoke cloud. .04

I hang on your every word,
on the edge of my seat
teetering on the brink of
sanity
Something soothes me,
revives me~
that passion once
stifled
resurfaces
with the force
of 10,000 Broken Hearts
Behind closed doors,
my head is throbbing
insomnia
thunders in
vibrates to the crux
my shakes
disturb the flawless
smoke curtain
clouding our eye contact
So vital to this journey.
I've invited this
welcome matt~
Sit down & stay for a while
we can dance
our song
whispering through till
the end.
Won't you sing me the words,
remind me once again
what it was like
to truly and deeply
be in love.

Another poem... just because

For some reason, all i can find are pieces of writing that are a few years old. i know i have written newer things... i suppose they are in a book somewhere. eventually i'll find them. but, to be honest-- i haven't written anything good in the past year. pretty much ever since i wrote my essay for Carly's book. i hope that isn't a sign of newly discovered lack of ability to write. that would be the death of me. enjoy this one:

march 20, someyearpast

Amongst the opposite
the positive translates
physically positioning
myself
energy fields battle
attention diverts
visual objectives
Questionable
Morality
Makes me laugh
until my belly aches
for your intensity
Passionate, perhaps perplexing
these (ideas, words, tomorrows)
growing inside me
doubting my doubt
daring to
delight myself
for these last seconds.
Time could
exit
this existence
forever looping
in the seedy red velvet sticky
auditorium
showcase @ midnight
in the regression section
of the dark recesses
of my perverted
mind.
Perversion opens
the soul
rights being only failed
wrongs repeated
for the moral majority
to get their rocks off.
My mind wanders
case in point
Fingerless tickles
chuckle who?
I'm wet
I'm diving deep into
disastrous
delights
Independence
constantly taunting
me
Cocky Bastard.
I'm too engulfed in this
very moment...
too entranced
in your eyes.

i'm so lame

hi everybody.
do i even have an everybody considering i NEVER update anything here on this site. the reason is... i don't like the software i use to do all this stuff. it isn't very user friendly. to be honest, i suck at this web shit. porno, okay. websites, not so much. so, if anybody has any suggestions for me, please let me know, okay!

until then... here is an old poem i found. enjoy.

10.11.2004
The possibility
of endless passion
and eternal happiness
thrives still in my
optimistic
devil's advocative
way of thinking
you still sweat
at the peak
of my thigh
where it touches my
ass in that
sultry and slutty
attitude
you once admired
My patience virtue
in and out
like the grey
matter that
sifts over the concrete
sarcophagus sepulveda basin
I hold only myself
responsible for these
actions.
I long to be held and admired
for my beauty
which is deep and
layered and
complex and
unique and
intensely
enjoyable.
My flirtatious nature
adopted temporarily
to pass the time
I watch you dress
admiring your
beauty
Body as creative
as your talent
Visually stunning
I once revered
myself as your muse
now only to sit back
in the wings
awaiting your next
masterpiece
Applauding your performance
Demonstrating for
your encore, baby.

Okay, i suck

um... i let my hosting expire. so, everything on my site was lost. therefore, i must start again.sooooooo...
WELCOME TO MY BLOG.
please come visit me often, i have lots to share. it is late right now... and i'm still a bit pissed at myself for letting all my wisdom go down the internet tubes. lost forever...
perhaps if i was more porn, i would be much more retreivable. how sad is that? thank you for your time and patience.
and, again... i totally suck. really. i do.